*** RiGuy's Journal ***

I have been putting this entry off for a while, mostly out of procrastinating. But I will go over some things going on in my life for those of you that still read this.

I am moving yet again. Reasons being an awkward and silent current living situation. Jon and I sorta lost our friendship and it became very odd and un-homely to live with someone whom I barely spoke to. So we worked out a situation that will be better for us both, at least I think. Justin, a friend of his, is going to move in and take my room. I will be moving in with a good friend from work, Tiffany, whom was out of a place to live and has yet to settle down in Florida. It will be my first time living with a girl, but I think it will work out well. Less than two weeks to go before the move. I will be packing a lot this week and getting things ready to go, though it not far. I will be staying in the same complex and just moving two buildings back and up a floor. The layout of my new place is different than the one now. But with all the furniture she will be bringing and stuff I have it will feel more like a home. We also have some great plans for some holiday parties and game nights that will be fun. If anything I think it will help to make me feel a little more at home in Florida.

I am still working like crazy at Wilderness Lodge. Right now I am in the middle of a 15 day stretch. Tiring and I feel like I live at the place, but I am still not doing so well financially so anything helps. The promotion should be coming soon, however not sure if it will before or after the quarterly raise. The final condition for me to get it is to master the butcher station. Butchering has always been my least favorite of the culinary career, and honestly this is my first experience doing it outside of school, and I have even learned things that I have not before. I have had a few rough days on it, and both of my bosses have been a little preoccupied with menu changes and other things. But I hope to get it soon. I really want to try and work on some ideas for the new Fall menu. They have already started some things, and with all the moving stress and preparation I have not had time to do look into it. But I still may have time before things start.

I will be taking a vacation towards the end of August which is much needed and welcomed. I miss a lot of people from New England and it will be nice to see them, be in a wedding for my first time, and get a break from work. I came up with a pretty cute idea for Stephanie's wedding present, it is almost all completed and I can't wait to give it to her.

Things with Michael are going okay, still has ups and downs. I could fill pages and bore everyone with all the stuff , good and bad that has happened. I still really like him and care about him, but I also don't know if he really is meant for me. I don't always feel like he cares for me, special, or someone that he wants to commit to. There are days when he is probably the sweetest person I have met, and there are days when he is probably one of the meanest. Granted we are not dating or have not agreed to. So part of me feels like I should take a few people up on offers to go on a date. Michael will be going on a cruise for a few weeks and with my vacation we will not see each other for about a month. So I think it will be a nice break to see what happens and reflect.

Life is still in a very transient mode right now for me. I am not really truly happy yet nor am I really depressed. Just a few kinks to work out. But I am taking a step in right direction with new roommate, apartment, starting to meet some new friends, a raise hopefully soon.

I have been putting this entry off for a while, mostly out of procrastinating. But I will go over some things going on in my life for those of you that still read this.

I am moving yet again. Reasons being an awkward and silent current living situation. Jon and I sorta lost our friendship and it became very odd and un-homely to live with someone whom I barely spoke to. So we worked out a situation that will be better for us both, at least I think. Justin, a friend of his, is going to move in and take my room. I will be moving in with a good friend from work, Tiffany, whom was out of a place to live and has yet to settle down in Florida. It will be my first time living with a girl, but I think it will work out well. Less than two weeks to go before the move. I will be packing a lot this week and getting things ready to go, though it not far. I will be staying in the same complex and just moving two buildings back and up a floor. The layout of my new place is different than the one now. But with all the furniture she will be bringing and stuff I have it will feel more like a home. We also have some great plans for some holiday parties and game nights that will be fun. If anything I think it will help to make me feel a little more at home in Florida.

I am still working like crazy at Wilderness Lodge. Right now I am in the middle of a 15 day stretch. Tiring and I feel like I live at the place, but I am still not doing so well financially so anything helps. The promotion should be coming soon, however not sure if it will before or after the quarterly raise. The final condition for me to get it is to master the butcher station. Butchering has always been my least favorite of the culinary career, and honestly this is my first experience doing it outside of school, and I have even learned things that I have not before. I have had a few rough days on it, and both of my bosses have been a little preoccupied with menu changes and other things. But I hope to get it soon. I really want to try and work on some ideas for the new Fall menu. They have already started some things, and with all the moving stress and preparation I have not had time to do look into it. But I still may have time before things start.

I will be taking a vacation towards the end of August which is much needed and welcomed. I miss a lot of people from New England and it will be nice to see them, be in a wedding for my first time, and get a break from work. I came up with a pretty cute idea for Stephanie's wedding present, it is almost all completed and I can't wait to give it to her.

Things with Michael are going okay, still has ups and downs. I could fill pages and bore everyone with all the stuff , good and bad that has happened. I still really like him and care about him, but I also don't know if he really is meant for me. I don't always feel like he cares for me, special, or someone that he wants to commit to. There are days when he is probably the sweetest person I have met, and there are days when he is probably one of the meanest. Granted we are not dating or have not agreed to. So part of me feels like I should take a few people up on offers to go on a date. Michael will be going on a cruise for a few weeks and with my vacation we will not see each other for about a month. So I think it will be a nice break to see what happens and reflect.

Life is still in a very transient mode right now for me. I am not really truly happy yet nor am I really depressed. Just a few kinks to work out. But I am taking a step in right direction with new roommate, apartment, starting to meet some new friends, a raise hopefully soon.

That is all I can think to right now. I will hopefully write another one soon, but who knows.

Riguy

So hard to believe but I have been in Florida for a little over a year. My one year anniversary at Disney was this past Wednesday.

Well I can say that I am overall happy with the move. I still GREATLY miss my friends from New England as well as the landscapes, the history, and lots of the thing we used to do. That has been the biggest dissapointment of being down here. I still have not seemed to get a group of friends down here that I can do stuff with on a regular basis, game nights, movie nights, etc. Still not a place I feel totally home and have it be a place to hang out with friends. Stuff that I know will come together with time, just stating what I miss the most from Mass.

However on the flip side I have followed my dream to work at Disney World and I have been very happy with that part of moving. I love being at my favorite place on earth everyday. Taking part in different events, tours, and classes to learn all I can about Disney. I have auditioned to teach Traditions and made it a 1/3 of the way through, and for mangment and am getting there. Was not approved for either but recieved great feedback and will definetly be trying next year. I am very happy with the current location I am at. We just got rated #2 under Victoria & Albert's which says a lot considering how many great restaurants there are here. I am working in one of my favorite hotels on property as well. My chefs all really like me and I have really been able to use a lot more of my culinary, leadership, and have more fun here than at my last location. It looks as though I will be getting my Prep Chef promotion within the next few weeks. Which with the new contract hopefully going through for the Union it will be a very good financial thing for me. It is great just to be able to go the parks when I please, show family and friends around when they come here.

Dating scene and people in general have been ok down here, definetly not as friendly and a lot more self centered then ever place I have met. But it is just something you get used to. I know this is not some wordy long entry like I normally do but honestly just don't feel like going into detail about everything that has happened the past year. I am looking forward to a great and long career at Disney, and can only imagine what is in store, as this past year has been amazing there. I know that as time goes on I will get a group of friends, a better living situation, better financial situation, and just better in general as time goes on.

So I will leave this for now, because honestly I don't even know what I am typing. I am watching "Dreamgirls" right now and WOW I am very impressed with it and in LOVE with the soundtrack. Check back for another entry soon, but who knows how long it will be, it was 7 weeks since last one LOL

So the past few weeks I have gotten some great news about my career at Disney. My Chef at Artist Point has been very pleased with my performance there. I will have learned the entire kitchen, prep, butcher, in under two months. Therefore I will be setup to be promoted to Chef's Assitant by June/Early Summer. So that will be a nice raise and promotion with only a year at the company.

And then yesterday I went to meet with Michael Oswald, one of the Food & Beverage Directors for resorts. It was a very short meeting and basically just to get my name heard and face seen. However I have been planning for a Leadership Casting Call in October, but to my suprise there will be one NEXT month. So he gave me some insight on the process and what I need to do leading up to it. I will have to meet with the Manager of Artist Point, the Wilderness Region Food & Beverage Director before the initial sessions. Then I will go through numerous interviews, one day that includes three rooms with two people each in them firing questions away. Then after that if I am approved I will go through and be put into the pool and then wait for a phone call to be put into a mangment position. So I am not excited but also a little nervous because the process is quite grueling. Not to mention I am also applying for the Traditions Team at this time too. But the idea does get me excited that I could even be a manager somwhere by summer at earliest.

Everything else is going ok, love life, etc. Michael still does not want to commit to anything but goes back and forth from being very sweet and talking about dating, to backing away and being scared about it. So I guess I am just sticking with it and see what happens. Yesterday we spent the whole day together. We went to Typhoon Lagoon, which I had not been to in SO long, and it was a great time. I got a little bit of sun finally, even though it will be gone in a day or two. :-P Afterwards we went to MGM and rode Tower and Aerosmith, then off to my hotel to show Michael around and relax, then took the boat over to Magic Kingdom. We went around and rode some of the classics and for the second time my joke was used in Monster's Inc Laugh Floor! We were very exhausted all day but had made plans at Hoop De Doo Revue for 9:30 that we could not cancel so we walked around until it was time to head over there. It has been almost 15 years since I have been to Hoop De Doo, but it was just as fun as I remembered it. As tired as we were we still had a great time and had front row seats! Plus you can't beat the 9:30 show being 50% off for cast members ;-) But overall it was a great day to spend with him, continuing getting to know more about it, and I was smiling all day, even if only on the inside...

Next week I start my mornings schedule, I will be working 3-4 days a week from 7am-330pm. It will be a change but nice to have some mroe nights off to do things and relax a little bit.

That is about all for now, I need to shower and head to work. TTFN!

I have been meaning to write an entry for a while now and probably will forget to talk about some things I wanted to, but here we go...

This past Monday I went out to PI with some of the Galley crew, I miss hanging out with them so it was nice to see them and catch up a bit. Tuesday I spent the entire day at the parks. I went to Magic Kingdom for opening and went on the new Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor. I was very excited they used my joke during one of the monsters routine. For those that don't know it is similar to Turtle Talk with Crush and during waiting in line you can text in jokes. My joke was "What is a monsters favorite kind of TV?" "A Flat Scream TV" :-P Yes it is cheesy but it got a good laught out of the audience. Overall it is a cute attraction. I didn't stay at Magic Kingdom long because it got VERY busy. However it was really wierd, I had not been there in a while and I have had a lot on my mind and when I rode the monorail over and listened to all the excited guests, walked up Main Street towards the castle, and watched Dream Along With Mickey...I got such a sense of happiness and almost drawn to tears. It was just nice to get that bit of pixie dust again that Disney can give you. So that was a great way to start the day. I then headed over to meet up with Sarah and Jerry, we walked around World Showcase a few times, had drinks, looked at the topiaries up for Flower and Garden Festival. Some of them were the same as last year, but the new pirate ship was very cool. Jerry was a fun guy to hang out with, and hopefully can hang out more. Always nice to find more gay friends. I wanted to check out the new Mexico ride but was not open yet, however I heard it just opened yesterday so I look forward to seeing it. We all later walked over to my hotel and ate at Whispering Canyon. Our server was great and really made it fun. Plus was yummy food as well. Our server, Bobby, was gay as well and is someone can hopefully also hang out with considering we work at same hotel too. After eating, as tired and sunburnt as I was I still stayed for Illuminations and loved it as always. So overall was a great day at the parks, a little busier than I like. Was nice to have two days hanging out with some friends and Galley people.

I have been working a lot, 6 days a week and always getting out late. But they are seeming to like me a lot, and moving me on the fast track. I have trained on all stations now and looks like I will become the inside expo for most nights. Chris, from Steakhouse, is coming to shadow tomorrow and may end up transferring over which will be nice to have a friend to work with. Two of the better people are leaving so through that I have kinda moved up in the ranks after being there only a few months.

Easter was nothing special as usual, I just worked as I do every Sunday :-P It looks like I may have one or two more nights free soon though. I am going to be trained on prep and will have one or two days a week that will be 7-3pm or so. So will be nice to be able to go out, go to the parks at night, etc more.

Tuesday is my day off again this week, I am going to Blizzard Beach and maybe Typhoon Lagoon with Micheal and then not sure what I am doing in the evening.

Bills are starting to get paid off, hard to believe it has taken almost a mont to recover from the week when I was out of work. It is my goal to finally get my license plate this week, after two months of an expired temp. plate.

Anyways thats seems about it, I'm sure there is stuff I forgot but I will update soon again hopefully....TTFN!

Well it has been a while since the last update. My owning of a dog was short lived. I realized it was not the right time in my life to get one and I acted on impulse. After weeks of trying to get someone to take him, I ended up giving him to an Animal Rescue League that will be showing him on the news this weekend to find him a better home. I just did not have the time for him with working 6 days and he was starting to act out for attention which was just causing added stress for me. Now I can sleep at night and that particular stress is gone at least.

I can't remember if I mentioned it or not in my last post, but I had surgery again a few weeks ago, it was the same procedure I had last July only less evasive and I recovered within a few days. However I lost out on a weeks paycheck and that has sent my finances spinning again. I am a week behind on bills and have a pile of them next to me that total around $350 that are waiting to be paid when I can. I finally sent in all the paper work to get a defferment on my student loans for hopefully a year or two, which will help take that expense out for a while. I have a list of my expenses each month and working on plugging away at those. I am back to workign 6 days a week so the checks will be a little better to deal with that. I still have yet to meet with the Food and Beverage Director of WDW Resorts, but will hopefully be doing that in the next week or so. I am also going to be applying to be a Traditions Assitant for 2008. Disney people know what that is but for those that don't; Traditions is a class you take on your first day of work. It basically goes over the heritage, history, and reasons the company was founded, fact, trivia, rules, etc. Overall you leave there with a happy and excited feeling to start working for Disney. I feel with my love for Disney and enthusiasmm for the company I would be a good facilitator. It is a many month process to be picked and trained, and it doesn't even start until the end of April. But still wish me luck! Would be a nice way to spend a few days a month.

Apartment wise it is a little stressful with all the clutter, but I am doing my best to control my OCD-ness. I am keeping my room extra clean so that I can come there to escape and calm down. I put a new comforter on my bed and brought a plant in once Champ left so it looks very nice and calming. I did hear some information from a person I will not name at this time that has made me a little angry about my apartment situation. I may bring it up at some point but I am just not ready to start drama right now.

Micheal and I have been hanging out a lot. I am really enjoying spending time with him. He has a huge heart and it is so sweet the things, little or big, that he does to make sure I am happy or comfortable. And I am hoping I am doing the same to him, even if just a little. We finally got the chance to hang out outside of just coming over and watching tv. We are goign to have similar days off soon and I am looking forward to spending more time with him. With money being short we wil have to be creative, but its not about money when you have someone great to hang out with. We are still just keeping things as friends and building our friendship right now. But I will say I am very happy around him and he is one thing in my life right now that is not stressful and making me smile.

I think that is all for about now. I am hoping to get to the parks soon, I have not been to Disney much lately and looking forward to it. The new Monsters Inc Comedy Club is open and I enjoyed it thus far, and excited to see it again. Also I am very excited to see the Flower and Garden Festival with the new 35ft Pirate ship topiary!

TTYL!

Wow I kept saying I would write an entry and stuff just kept happening and keeping me busy. So I will do my best to go over some of the major things that have happened.

Last week I let myself act on impulse and I adopted a dog at the animal shelter. His name is Champ and he is a Jack Russell mix, not sure totally with what, but he is adorable. However as time went on I have realized I acted on impulse and got him for the wrong reasons. So sadly I will probably be giving him to a friend. I do not have the time or finances to keep him and give him the love he needs. Especially with how much I need to work to get my finances in order. I prefer to only give him to someone I know so that I know he is going to a good home. I feel like a horrible person, but at the same point at least I am admitting it and knowing that I cannot provide him the love he needs.

Apartment wise has been sorta interesting. We have had two people move in, one that is leaving within the next few days, another that is leaving in a few months. As most people know me, I am OCD and like things in order and my life under control. So it has been different adapting to another person and items in the house. I just don't like clutter and it's going to take some time to get used to it. But with my financial issues it will be nice to have some rent help. There are some other issues I have with the place, and still have not decided what will happen in November when lease is up, but who knows...

For those who know the surgery I had this past July, well sure enough the problem came back. I started having the fever again on Saturday and notice the swelling and discomfort again and as days went on it got worse. Monday night at work I felt so bad and after debating for a while I ended up going to the ER. I waited for a good 4 hours before being seen, then went through some painful attempts at relieving the pain without surgery. But when all a sudden done I went to a surgeon and had a minor procedure done because it was not as big as the problem in July. However it sucked because I was awake. So I have been off from work the past few days, and will be hopefully going back to work Saturday.

Financially obviously this will be a hit because this paycheck will basically suck. I really need to find some solution to recover myself. I am going to try and apply for a Economic Hardship Defferment so that my loan payments can be frozen for up to 3 years. That would be a great help and seomthing less to worry about, as well as I don't see why I wont be in a managment position in three years. So I am going to look into that a bit more.

Some of you have met Mike. Things are going well with him, I hope something more develops but I am not pushing it and seeing where it goes. He has treated me great and taken good care of me with this surgery and all. He has a very good heart and definetly someone I can see myself having a relationship with at some point.

Work has been going well. I completed all of the hot line training in under a week and a half, which has really impressed them. I hope I keep that trend going and maybe they will get me up to Chefs Assitant, which will help mangment bids. I am also meeting with Micheal Oswald hopefully within the next few weeks. He is a big food & beverage executive, and meeting with him and getting my name in will help me greatly, not to mention good networking.

Well that is really all I can think of to write now. I have an insane amount of stuff on my mind...Good Night...

Well Happy Valentines Day to all who cared and celebrated. My week was kinda a crappy one. I came home tuesday night and in usual fashion on my fridays I stayed up REALLY late watching movies. I finally got to see "Brother Bear", which I had always heard was just an OK Disney movie. I was actually really moved by it for some reaosn and though it was amazingly well done. I have now found another character I love, Koda, and I will be getting a little stuffed animal of him because he is just so cute. Plus he is one of our characters at Wilderness Lodge. Really I suggest you all see it if you have not.

I woke up Vday with HUGE headache and pretty much stayed in bed all day, literally all day. I felt like such a loser but hey I was tired and it felt good to sleep. I then woke up and watched more movies into the wee hours of the morning. It was a typical Valentines Day for me. I have yet to be with someone on that day or with someone who actually cares about it. I did make some yummy Rachael Ray style soup. I used chicken broth, a jar of garlic parmesean tomato sauce, some broken pieces of spaghetti, and chicken breast. It was damn yummy I have to say. It has been a little "cold" here in the aspect that Jon has been gone. I hope everything is going ok for him this week. I feel bad for not visiting him. I want to leave him some brownies or something to say welcome home, but sadly the $5 in my account for the next week says otherwise. Well nevermind, as I sit here and type this he just walked in LOL. He looks great and hopefully everything went well, I will catch up with him later.

Thursday I moped around the house agian for a while. God I really can't wait until I start working out again on Monday to get my energy back, and working on my body again. I did watch MORE movies and then got around and went to see Finding Nemo musical. I bought the soundtrack off Itunes and so was really craving to see it again. I went on Dinosaur, which is one of my favorite Disney rides, and watched Jammin' Jungle. Then I decided to head over to the Wilderness Lodge and walk around, because it has been over 5 years since I had last been there. And wow I forgot how much I love that hotel! Such a beautiful place, and my restaurant looks very nice. I checked out the gift shop and found a cute shirt with the character totem pole on it, as well as a wood totem pole with Disney characters and the lincoln log set replica of the hotel that I will all have to get while I work there. I start Sunday and am really looking forward to it. Only two days of the Galley left.

Oh I forgot to mention Monday Night the gang went to Jellyrolls, and they told the piano players it was my birthday, so I got dragged on stage and was made to stand on top of the piano and do "I'm A Little Teapot", embarassing as all hell but fun! Check out myspace for pics of the group from that night and a short video clip of me doing it!

Well that is about it for now. A week from tomorrow is my birthday, hopefully some of you will be joining me at Universal to hang out all day, please let me know if you are coming, as of right now I don't know anyone who has got the day off yet...

TTFN!

Well as I mentioned before many people have asked what I was going to do for Valentine's Day because I kept mentioning it. So as this does make me a little sad that I will not get to do it for him, I still can just live in a dreamland. This would have been my first V-Day with someone who actually cared and didn't hate the day.

Basically I had the day off work so was going to spend the day cleaning the house and getting it all ready. I was going to bring the patio table inside, unless it was warm enough to stay outdoors. I had some candles and rose petals to put around the table, some red fabric nice knapkins, wine glasses, etc. I had a nice card that was going to be at his place setting waiting for him along with a single red rose. For dinner there was going to be a starting course of a romaine and tomato salad with balsamic dressing...homemade garlic bread...and my specialty tomato vodka cream sauce with sausage tossed with penne pasta and fresh shaved parmesean cheese for the main course. Wine of course or champagne to go along with dinner. I had also bought the Disney Wedding CD, because they have very slow jazz and intimate instrumental versions of Disney songs which would been nice background music. Then after perhaps a nice movie...and yea the rest of the night is self explanatory :-P But yea would have been nice. I miss cooking for people, so hey any of you ever want to come over for a game or movie night, lets plan it and cook. Maybe I will convince some of the galley girls to come over and play some board games and have some nice food.

As for Bob, I kind of have to think he really doesn't plan to get together with me, despite him being very fuzzy about an answer. So I kinda have to assume it's over. I am not sure if he even wants to talk to me anymore. I know he went on a date this past week, which great for him. I am not going to say that I do not have dating prospects, because as some of you know that is not true. I am just a little afraid of trying anything else with anyone too soon and risking geting hurt again because that seems to be a pattern in my relationships. However people come along when you least expect it. Like anything it will just take time to get Bob out of my mindset in that way, and I guess having him not show much interest anymore is helping that.

My federal refund check finally came. Unfortunetly because of how small my paychecks have been I have to use most of it towards bills. However I still managed to get a TV, a stand, and Cinderella 3. The movie was actually really cute, and a great plot. Nice to see one of the stepsisters realize she is not that mean and just wants what every other girl wants, a true love. I will hopefully with my Massachusetts refund stil be able to get a dining room table. I will see how the new hours workout at my new location, because if it is not enough then I will pick up hours at the Galley as a seater or try to get a server job or some other morning job to make some money. Which I really would just prefer picking up hours at Galley then killing myself working two jobs in a day. Because right now things are still very unsure financally and it just sucks.

My new location called me and I will be going in at 2pm on this coming Sunday for the tour, meeting staff, etc. I did manage to get my birthday off which is cool. So still hoping to do a day at Universal and Mardi Gras with friends. Pass the word around and let me know if you want to join and I will let you in on the details.

Ok time to head to work, I need to get going. It is my new goal to start leaving on time for work and not getting there by the seat of my pants.

Well many of you have asked how I am doing...

Other than the fact that I miss Bob like crazy I am fine. I'm not going to use this whole entry to talk about him because I am sure that is the last thing everyone wants to read about him. Just know that I do not take breakups easy, as some of you may know in the past, and I miss him A LOT. It has been very wierd not having anyone to call on my break or on the way home from work. And basically coming home and going to bed without anyone to come over or talk to before bed. As I have said before, if it's meant to be then he will return, if not then I wish him nothing but love and a happy life.

Also many of you have asked what my Valentines Day plans were. And since I will not be doing them anymore and no need to keep them a secret, then I will tell you all. However I will do it in a couple days as I do not feel like writing them out right not.

I have had the past two days off. Yesterday I did nothing but sit around in my pjs, chat online, color, read, and lounge. It was nice I am not going to lie but also a little boring :-P And so far today is turnging out to be the same, although I have done laundry and cleaned. I may go to a park later. I really can't wait until I can get my TV in my room so I can at least watch some movies and have some entertainment. I also need to get my plates on my car soon before my temporary one expires. I have a shopping list that I am excited to go and get once my refund comes, to spruce up the apartment a bit. I have not heard from Artist Point yet, so will need to call them soon, because it is getting close to the time I am supposed to be transferring. I am getting happy to do it and have heard nothing but good reviews and opinions on the restaurant and hotel.

A little over two weeks until I turn 24, hard to believe it. I know it's not old by any strech of the imagination. However I just don't feel 24. I am really hoping to get the day off so we can do 'Rian's 24 on the 24th' party day at Universal. Yes I am a dork and thought of that title :-P I also got the Fort Wilderness movie schedule and hope to start going to a few of those. They are playing some really good Disney movies this month.

Ok I really am all over the place with this entry. But keep tuned for a Valentines day update for all those who wanted to know.


"Just let it die
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about...

Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us"

Well I guess if those words are true then I have been "better" 4 times over. It looks as though today I ended my 4th relationship. And yet this relationship was one I had the strongest feelings for and saw the most out of it. But again I foolishly gave my heart up to someone and in the end I am sitting here with pieces of it scattered around. I don't understand why I can't find someone who loves me back uconditionaly, can be faithful, and just treat me as a boyfriend should :-(

Bob was someone I finally saw a future with rather than just some dating thing to see how it would end up. He was the first person I saw there being years down the road, having a family with. And that in itself is something because I really never thought about having kids or a family before him. Everything felt right with him and he did treat me great. Then as time passed I could see something was not the same in his face and actions. I know he has a lot going on in his life, but I figured things were back on the right path after our last bump in the road. However there still seems to be a lot on his mind. And honestly if i try to sit here and ponder over what the reasons are he doesn't see us working then I will go crazy. As it is I can barely see the screen and have not stopped crying for the past 3 hours. I am one that is easily hurt and emotional, so it's not easy for me to recover right away and move on.

I was finally starting to get happy about my move here. I got a new position this week and looking very forward to starting it. I had a boyfriend whom I was happy with. I am still working on the friends department, but getting there. I am a little bummed that I still don't have any very close friends here that I can call up and talk to, chat with online, etc. As it is right now I am here sitting by myself with no one to call or comfort me. And then like every other time in my life, things just can't go good for too long before something has to fuck up. So now I am back to this uncertantiy down here. I am very happy with my job thus far, I love Disney and my dreams of working there really have come true. However socially I am just not where I want to be. No I am not mister social and gets out and meets everyone, but I like to think I am a good friend and person to hang out with. As it is I have never spent Valentines Day with someone who actually cared about the day or was worth spending it with. And that will not be happening this year now, good thing I didn't start getting all the stuff I was going to. My roomate is going to be doing jail time for 9 days and then a cruise for a week. So there was another time I was goign to have Bob over more and friends. But as it is I will probably just have a lonely house to come home every night. It is very depressing going from having friends I saw all the time and hung out with, talked to, even just about day to day stuff to almost nothing. For a while I had Bob to call each day about how my day was and asked about his, and it will be wierd getting back into just driving home without talking to someone or random texts. It seems to be that every person who I care for or even love in my life leaves me...father, past bfs, friends, etc.

Now I know that people come in and out of our lives for various reasons. And that if they didn't we would not be here where we are today. They all have impacts and effects on us that shape us into who we are. This last part of the journal is meant for Bob, as I am sure you are reading this...for everyone else you can choose to read it or not...


Bob,

First of all thank you for entering my life. You came at a time when I was starting to lose hope down here that I would find someone to share my life with. While you are going through some hard times, I know you will plug ahead and life will work out for you, as it always does. Things may look dark now but just remember everything happens for a reason and shapes you into the man that you are. They are not all fun or good things, we all need to fall on our face or be faced with hard times to show ourselves what we can truly deal with and go through. I can honestly say that you have a place in my heart and I do love you. When you love someone you will do whatever it takes and be there for them. Even if it means sacraficing things. I would do anything to keep you and I would be lying if I said that I won't be here for you and even if again down the road you wanted to try things again. Now that may not be the best thing to say, but I don't think we are leaving on bad terms, and if life crossed our paths again then so be it. I can't pretend that I am not hurt. My heart is broken and I can't stop the tears from flowing. I was truly happy with you and can honeslty not believe that I had to say goodbye to you today, for possibly the last time. You made me see a part of me that I had not seen before. There are little things I have done to better my life because of you, that includes working out, going to Dr's for something up to this point I had been embrassed about, made me realize I would want a family with the right person, etc the list goes on. And I thank you for helping to bring those qualities out in me. I wish you all the best with the path you choose. I am here if you ever do need someone to talk to and even if you finally get things straight and figured out. Just remember that I love you and you will always have a place in my heart. So saying all that, the hardest part of loving someone is letting them go. But I know that right now I must. If we are truly meant to be then we will meet again. Fate brought us together for some reason, while we may not understand it now, I can be nothing but thankful that it happened. Goodbye Bob, whether it be forever or just for now....


Rian aka "Bum"


"The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn, Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return"

As reported previously the casting call for managers has been postponed until at least October. So this week I went to the Casting office and applied for an internal transfer. No sooner than 12 hours later I got a call saying I would be transffered to Artist Point Restaurant at the Wilderness Lodge Resort in two weeks! Now I am very excited for this because it is a signature restaurant at WDW. Only open for dinner, $30 average for a plate, and located inside one of the best themed and one of my favorite hotels. I will be starting aroung the 18th of this month. Some of the signature dishes include a cedar planked cooked salmon, roasted portabella soup, and berry cobbler. I am very excited for this move and change of scenery. It will be nice to have a signature restaurant on my Disney resume.

I told everyone at my current location today. Some took it well, while others are not happy to see me leave and said they will try up until I leave to get me to stay. I was even offered to work next door at the Steakhouse. Which would be nice since I have friends there, but I want to get out of the hotel all together. I appreciate and it makes me feel good that they want to keep me so bad. I know that I am not leaving on bad terms and I will have good contacts with all the chefs and managers there. I also will be able to come back on days I need extra hours to work the podium or serving, which will be nice.

Yesterday I spent the day at Universal with Bob. It was a really fun day, and nice considering we never waited in lines all day. Those rides do tire you out a lot though! Afterwards I wnated to celebrate my new job and go out to eat, sadly Boma was on a LONG wait, so we went to Kona Cafe instead which I still love. This past Monday night Bob, my coworkers, and I went out to Pleasure Island. I had a GREAT time and it was nice to let loose and to hang out with my coworkers and for them to see me in a different atmosphere, as well as meet my bf, which they all loved. And it looks like we will be doing Mondays at Jelly Rolls and PI more often. We are trying to work out getting my birthday off on the 24th, so that we can spend the day at Universal and then do Mardi Gras at night.

I got my taxes done and getting $1200 back! I am using most for bills and what not, but I always buy myself a birthday gift with it. This year it will be a 20" flat screen TV and a dining room table. Other than that nothing else new really. Valentines Day is nearing and I am getting excited to cook and have a nice night with Bob. Will post another entry soon to keep everyone updated. I am getting good response for keeping up with this again.

Later!

I had another two days off, amazing because it has been so long since two weeks in a row with two days off! Still was kinda boring because with my odd days off, no one has weekdays off really. I ended up going to all 4 Disney parks. I went to Animal Kingdom with intention of going to see Nemo Musical, but made it there too late. I ended up seeing Lion King, which still gives me chills, Everest, and Dinosaur. Afterwards I headed over to MGM Studios with the sole purpose to take a few of the Animation Academy classes. I ended up drawing Pluto, Goofy, and Stitch. They all turned out pretty well. I then parked at EPCOT and took the monorail over to Magic Kingdom, only to get stuck on the monorail for a long time because another one was stuck further along on the line. So it took about 45 min to get into Magic Kingdom. I made it just in time to see Dream Along With Mickey, which I love so much. I love the dancing all the characters do. I then walked around, rode some of my favorite rides then had a hotdog and fries at Casey's Corner. Always such a nice feeling to walk around that park and just people watch. Spectromagic was great to see, as I did not expect it to be running. I always get so excited when they open the doors right as the parade starts and the lights go off with the music. It was a perfect night for Wishes and the crowd was loving it. After battling my way out of MK I headed over to EPCOT just in time to catch Illuminations. That show is so amazing to watch, the power and music you can't help but smile. I was standing behind these two guests, one had seen it before and was showing the other for first time, the guy loved it and it was so fun to watch his reactions. That concluded my Disney day. I headed over to Bob's house for game night with his group, we played Haunted Mansion Clue which was fun and then hung out joking around. Was nice to be at a game night again, I miss those so much from years past.

I found out some kind of dissapointing news for work. It seems that there is a very low turnover rate at Disney for food & beverage managers. Therefore there will not be a casting call this month and not until October at the earliest. So now I am at the choice to stick with the Galley for 9 more months, or transfer and try something else for that time. As much as the Galley annoys me I have impressed my leaders and have good solid contacts and relations with them. which when it comes to casting call time will help. But then again trying somewhere new may be nice too. I am not sure what I want to do yet.

Today I slept in very late, only because I decided to go with no alarm and just let myself naturally wake up. It was a nice feeling and much needed. I stayed in my pajamas made some snacks and drinks and watched movies all day. I finally watched Pirates 2, which I loved and cannot wait to see the next one! I just finished watching Dumbo and not sure what I want to watch next. Part of me wants to clean the house up and just listen to music, while part wants to watch another movie :-P I wanted to go to Walmart today to get a wireless router so I can stop dealing with horrible reception from downstairs. However a quick check of my account this morning showed me I have no money until tomorrow :-/ Tomorrow morning I need to head back up to the DMV to give them my car loan information so that they may verify the account and ownership of the car. I am hoping they can do that while I am there so I dont have to come back again to get the plates, considering the place is a half hour away.

Things with Bob have been good. I do kind of feel that he thinks I may be a little boring. I am still getting used to him and his friends, so not totally talkative and extrovert around everyone yet. I do like to go out and dance, eat, drink, etc just not always in the budget. Yes I like to stay at home and chill with friends,, game nights, etc...but that doesn't mean I don't like to get out and let go either. I still want to go to the beach more often, Sea World, other parks, waterparks, mini golfing etc. And I know that will just all take time. I like his friends and I think they like me. I am also not trying to push my way into thier group either, but I thikn they are accepting me. I also think that he is afraid I don't like him going out or hanging out with other people. Which is not the case at all. I have never, or hope I have not, lead him to believe that I need to see him every time we are free. I like to do my own thing just as much as the next person. It is nice to hang out with him and his friends since mine are rarely free and I still have yet to make a real group of friends here. And yes part of me is that insecure part not wanting to lose him. I am still taking it slow and enjoying it for what it is. I do truly care about and love the boy. I don't say that lightly and don't expect it said to me lightly. He is going to meet with his ex tomorrow for reasons of forgivness, and I think that is very big of him. He is starting his new job tomorrow and I wish him the best and hope that he can find some happines in this new venture. And as I said to him, as long as at the end of the day I am the one he wants to be with and loves, then there are no problems with him doing what he wants. I respect people just as much as I expect it in return. There has not been a person I have wanted to make a commited relationship with as much as Bob.

Ok now that I have rambled on about random things :-P I can see I am back to my old journal habits, doing it more often and rambling on and on about stuff that probably is not easy to understand but makes sense in my head...check out myspace bullitens for another two random surveys I filled out, since they are rare for me..."How much do you know about your #1" and "The Hurt Survey".

Bob has got me hooked on Clay Aiken lately, and especially with the song "The Way" which he introduced me to. I am in love with this song and can't stop playing it...

Theres something bout the way you look tonight, Theres something bout the way that i can't take my eyes off you.
Theres
something bout the way your lips invite, maybe its the way that i get nervous when your around.
And I want you to be mine
and if u need a reason why

Theres something bout how you stay on my mind, theres something bout the way that I whisper your name when I'm asleep.
Maybe its the look you get in your eyes.
Oh baby its the way that makes me feel to see you smile.
And the reasons they may change but what i'm feeling stays the same.

I can't put my fingers on just what it is that makes me love baby.
So don't ask me to describe, I get all choked
up inside, just thinking bout the way.

Its in the way that you move me, and the way that you tease me, the way that I want you tonight,
Its in the way that you hold me, and the way that you know me,
When I can't find the right words to say, u feel it IN THE WAY...


Until next time...TTFN!

The past few days have been pretty crappy. It has been so hard not calling him on my break or when I leave work. And as much as you try to put your mind on something else it always goes back to the person. Tonight when I was leaving work I got a message saying "can you come over, we need to talk". Now I of course assume this would going to be the end all coversation because I told him I wanted to talk in person either way if it was goign to end or continue. So as expected my stomach hurt all the way there, but I was also preparing myself to say goodbye for good.

So I got there, and he was looking all cute, but I didn't say much just sat on the bed and waited to hear what he had to say. I honestly couldn't look at him in the face, so I laid down behind him while he was talking. He explained how he had needed the time to think and reorganize his life. He has a new job, his health is improving, and then came the matter of him and I. After talking to many friends and others he has came to the conclusion..."Rian you are a great guy..." (OK everyone knows that phrase is always followed by a BUT or bad news), then went on to say "I don't like you anymore". Well my heart sank and I knew this was it, but thought it was kind of rude he would say it in that way. Then he turned around and said "but I do love you". So at that moment I wanted to both hug him and punch him :-P My eyes teared up and I was overwhelmed with happiness. I don't think anyone has ever said those words to me in a way that I knew they meant it like that. And I am a chick flick sap and always wanted a romance like that, and sure enough that was my "made for the movies" moment.

So selfishly I am very happy he picked me. And I am very happy that I didn't lose him. Believe me I am not going to let him go very easily. There comes along very few people in your life you make a true bond with, but I want him to know I am here for him, and with him through good and bad, just as I know he would be with me. And another selfish reason, I get to go through with my Valentines Day plans :-D

I am going to end this entry for now with a quote from one of my favorite movies, and I believe it is also in the Bible, not sure. "A Walk To Remember" is an amazing movie which I know I talk about everytime I watch it. To me it shows true love and that it goes through all bounds and obstacles. You never know how much someone truly cares about you until you see them cry over you, whether happy or sad tears. And you never know how much somoene truly cares about you until you see how the bond between you remains and even grows stronger during rough times.


" Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish.
It does not take offense and is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth.
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

So this is an odd entry to follow the previous one, since it was all happy and wonderful about Bob. I was dropped a bomb last night. The poor kid is under a lot of stress and going through the typical Orlando sucks phase. His job plans did not work out like he wanted and he is not having luck finding another one. Health issues, financial issues, etc. Therefore he is not sure he is at the place in his life where he wants a boyfriend :-( This was all part of a long conversation last night that I am still crying from almost 12 hours later.

I have stuck by the kid for two months through all the junk he has been put through and I would/will continue to do so. Job searching, money, etc are sucky things in life we all deal with. I have been there many a times, and I know it makes you seem like the world suck and nothing will get better. I pray everyday that he finds a job because I know how much happier it would make him. He has a great group of friends here.

He is honestly the best person I have ever had come into my life, and I mean that. He has treated me better in two months that anyone else I have dated regardless of the amount of time we were together. I see a future with him, I know he is not just some flake who will screw me over later. I struggle with bills and jobs, I work insane hours, but it is just part of life. And he was the one very happy thing I had going on. I looked forward each day just to hear his voice and know that I had someone that great in my life. I know that once he gets a job he will hopefully see that things will turn around and they just take time. I don't want to lose him and yes this may sound like I'm putting up a fight or a plea. But hey I really just don't want this kid out of my life. I am so sick of being hurt and finding someone I like and then they leave me. I really can't even describe how much I looked forward to a future with Bob. These feelings are not just because it is still relatively new and mushy mushy. I see something with him that I have not seen before. I like being around him, his friends, he has a good head on his shoulders and goals. He wants a good life for himself just like every other person does.

I have not stopped crying since last night. I do not want to go to work becuase of how horrible I look and the mood I am. We basically left things at that I will give him some time to think and work things out. I feel bad even saying that because I am not asking for an ultimatium or pressuring him. I want this to work and I really hope and pray that he does too. So basically now I am just going to wait and hope that I get a call, message, or something from him. If not then I will have to understand and move on. I was happy, truly happy, and I do not want to lose the best person that has ever came into my life...

Ok I need to stop I can't see the screen anymore and I know I am just rambling and this sounds pathetic...


"The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn, Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return"

So it has been over a month now dating Bob, and I have to say things are going great. He has already treated me better than most guys in the past. I really feel like he actually cares about me and likes me for who I am. There are things that pop up here and there that we are still learning about each other, so I hope that does not cause a problem. Thus far though I think we have accepted everything that comes along and are able to see the real person underneath. He is definetly someone that I am very anxious and hopeful that it goes long term with. I know that with any relationship the "head over heels" and "butterflies" feelings fade, and that is the one thing that scares me and makes me nervous. In all relationships I have had, few as they may be, I was always the one that was broken up with. So as you can imagine, try as I might, there is always a little worry that the other person will find some flaw they can't look past or simply get bored with me and move on, because that has been the case in the past. However I like to think that Bob is a little more mature and much more of a man.

It is really great to have that feeling again of someone that cares about you, thinks about you just as much as you thikn about them. I look forward to my breaks and getting out of work when I can call just to say hi and see what he is up to. It definetly comes when you least expect it. I wasn't really looking because of all the previous let-downs around here, and then out of nowhere an amzing guy comes. He was in the hospital this past week and I spent my whole day off there with his mother and him. It was a little wierd meeting his mom, but she seemed to like me and approve. And honestly I loved being able to be there for him and making sure he was ok. I have been there in the hospital a few times and know how important it is when someone is there to show they care and are concered. I have a pretty cool idea for Valentines Day with him, so I hope I am off at least that day or around it. I will not post here what I am doing until after, because I know *you* read this mister and don't wanna spoil the suprise! :-P

So other than having and awesome boyfriend...work has been slowing down a little which is good. We had a stressful night on Saturday and I yelled at a server pretty badly, to the point I made her cry. Now as most peopepl know I am a pretty laid back quiet person, so it takes a lot to make me mad. Everyone said they were suprised to see me explode like that. I of course apologized and did what I could to make her understand it was just stress and not anything against her. I have not been to the parks much in a while but hope to get back there soon now that they have quieted down. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off. Tomorrow I have an intro to Wine class which should be fun, and then Wednesday Bob and I may possibly go to Sea World, not sure yet. Next week I have a class about Walt Disney and how his ideals relate to our roles and the company today. And then hopefully if I am off Tuesday I will be taking a behind the scenes tour inside Spaceship Earth and get to climb the stairs inside!

Alright I need to head off to work, hope this update was enjoyable for you all and the new year has started out great!

OK so I will do my best to remember stuff from earlier this year. But this is basically a quick overview of my past year and what has occured. Enjoy and I wish everyone a Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true in 2007, mine did this year!

The year started of with me still working as an Assistant Manager at Fresh City in Boston. I still greatly enjyoed my job depsite the harsh criticism from my manager. I loved working in the city and was proud of myself for completing the goal of someday working in Boston. The only downfall to the new job was the LONG driving to and from work and lack of time I got to spend with my friends. Everyone adjusted however and it just became the new way of life. I do think it affected some of my relationships with people, but I had to do what I had to do. February and March really were nothing too exciting to report, at least from what I can remember. In April my friend Travis invited me down to Florida to watch a taping of the Ellen show and go to Disney World. I really could not turn that down, I mean it was and still is my favorite place on earth.

The taping was awesome, Ellen was great, and we all got free annual passes to Universal Studios. Then we spent the weekend going to all 4 Disney parks and staying at various hotels. During that time something really was tugging on my inside. I knew that someday I wanted to work at Disney, that had always been my long term goal, but that was still way down the line. However this trip made me want to do it now. So I basically packed up my life in New England and moved down a month later. The only regret I have is leaving behind an amazing group of friends who I sorely miss. And I love New England and felt very at home there.

My life in Florida began by staying at a friend of a friend's house while getting my dream come true of working at Disney. I was hired on as a cook at the Yacht & Beach Club Resort, one of the nicest hotels that we have. While there have been many ups and downs, after all it is still a job, I still am very happy to finally be here. I get to play in the parks whenever I need some time to leave reality behind, I get to be a part of the company that affects so many people's lives and puts smiles on faces. It really pays off when you see the stories or even as you are walking around the parks and you see how happy people are. It really is amazing what we do here.

I had to move out of the house for various personal reasons and other things that I really don't need to go in on here, because there is no reason to bad mouth someone. I moved in with my friend Jon into an apartment even closer to the magic :-P Jon is a great kid and I think we will be good roomates, so far so good. I am slowly gaining a group of friends down here, which seems to be harder to do than in any other area I have lived. I may even be close to getting another game night crew together again. Most recently I met a boy named Bob. We hit it off really well. It was my first true date in almost a year. Now we just became official boyfriends and I look forward to what the year ahead has to bring us. He has made me very happy so far and treated me great!

Looking ahead to 2007, I have a few resolutions I want to try and work on. I want to continue working out at the gym here, for a nicer looking body but also just a healthier lifestyle...I want to enjoy life a little more and not stress over little things, which seems to be what I work on and get better every year...I want to solidify and get a nice core group of friends to hang out with and have as true friends down here...and finally continue to focus on my career here at Disney and hopefully reach managment this year.

So to all my friends from all over. Thank you so much for being there and being a great friend. Look forward to another year with you all!!

Christmas really just does not have the same effect it used to have on me. Maybe it's age, maybe it's not having snow; I do not know. I know Christmas is what you make it. The song "Where are you Christmas?" from The Grinch, has great meaning here. I really feel that as you grow up you don't have that same excitment and anticipation towards it. I have even listened to the music less this year, which as some of you know I usually start on Nov. 1 and don't stop until the season is over. Really if it weren't for the way the parks were decoarted this year, I don't think I would even realize it was Christmas. Not going home also puts a damper on things. While it is still fun to open cards and gifts, it's not the same when you sit on your bed with a box from UPS. I got some money, gift cards, Robin Hood, Pirates 1 & 2, Glitter, and Wisegirls, a Rachael Ray book, and some other treats. And as for Christmas Eve and Christmas day I will be working. 10-6:30 tomorrow and 8am-11pm on Christmas. Lots of money and overtime, but I will be a tired boy. It is my goal to go to Magic Kingdom on Wednesday to try and catch the Christmas parade, as that is my favorite parade of the year.

So a few weeks ago I met a boy named Bob online and we went out on a date. And have pretty much been hanging out ever since. We now have officially become boyfriends. It has been almost two years since I have called anyone a boyfriend, and it's a nice feeling. He did work at Disney but has just started on a new career path. He has been very caring and sweet to me, which has already earned him big points. I look forward to seeing where it goes and hope it turns into something long term. Keep checking back for more updates on how it's going. It looks like on Wednesday we will be having a movie day. Nothing but pajamas and movies all day!! Lots of movies I need to catch up on so it will be good.

I had a Christmas Party/Game Night this past week and it was a good time. We used to always have game nights with my friends and it was a nice reminder of how fun they were. Hopefully with this new group of friends we are going to try to do it more. I know from what I have heard it was a hit and everyone had a good time. I have slacked a little bit lately on the gym, only because the side effects from going back on my meds have been still kicking my butt. Mostly fatigue and restlessness at night. I am commited to get back to it, because I did enjoy it for once and felt good. I just need to get past being so tired. They are lasting a little longer than last time but maybe that is cause I was off them for a while and also because I am working so much and my body itself is more tired.

Alright I am sure there is more to update but I have to work early and so I need to hit the hay. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas or whatever they celebrate. Look for Rian's 2006 Year End Review soon to catch and reflect on all that happened in my life this past year. There have been a lot of changes and ups and downs this year, so it should be a good read!

Well Happy Holidays everyone! Once again Christmas is here and another year is almost over. I will be doing my year end review later this month, so look for that as that is always a popular read among ya'll. It is a wierd feeling being in Florida for Christmas, however I have been here twice before for the holidays. It is chilly here on days but stil nothing like up north. So to get my snow and Christmas fix I just head over to the parks and bask it the fake snow and Christmas lights. I will not be going home for Christmas this year, this will be my second time not doing that. I am of course a little bummed because it's tradition to be with family on Christmas and Grandma's house in the morning. But it's a busy time of year for Disney and since I work pretty much every day I will be working as well as New Years.

The apartment is decorated for Christmas. Two trees all decked out for the season. I am having a little Chrsitmas get together next week which should be nice. Sort of a housewarming/Christmas party. It will be a nice break from work. The day after wil be goign to EPCOT to take in the holiday atmosphere there. Work is going pretty good, busy and I feel like I live there, but good. Nearing January is getting me more and more excited to be able to try out for the mangment pool. I already know that I will be pretty crushed if I have to wait another 6 months to try out, if this does not go well the first time.

Finances, nothing new there. Still same old crap to complain about there. Love life...well I have hung out a few times with a guy. So far seems pretty good, however still kinda testing waters. Not sure if I feel that "it" feeling or spark. But there is potential. And I don't knwo why but it always seems like as soon as you like someone or date someone, 5 other peopel come out of the woodwork and want to date you. I have another guy that I have wanted to try things with for a while that finally came out and said he felt the same way, but unfortunelty just have not had time to hang out. Also I don't know if I want to and risk losing the other person, which could mean losing a good thing. As usual nothing is ever easy in dating and lovelife. We will just see how it pans out. Who I am meant to be with and work out with will happen as it does.

I have started working out at the fitness center that our complex has. I am not getting huge or bulky but I feel better about myself, will take stress off, and heart and lung wise will be better. I am already so skinny that muscles show up well, so its basically just toning them up a little more.

I have started back on my anxiety meds. So right now I am going through all the starting out side effects. Basically means I have been extremely tired but at night can't sleep for more than a few hours at time. I will look forward to when these are over. But I knew that it was time to go back on them, as I saw myself slipping back into my old self.

Well nothing else big to report, look for more updates soon!

Well finally all settled in the apartment. Jon is in now as well, still has stuff to unpack, but now the house is not so barren and lonely anymore. I will be putting Christmas stuff up starting tomorrow. I know some of you are suprised that it is not already up, but I have not had time. I got a new Tinkerbell tree topper this year that I am excited to put up. Finding a nice topper has always been hard, the angel I have now is just blah and normal.

I went to MGM with Angela this past week. It was really great to see the Osbourne lights this year, as they dance to two great songs. And the fake snow is such a cool effect. I do miss the snow at this time of year and that is a fun way to bring it to life. Angela was really in awe by the whole thing, which again is why I love taking people to Disney! We will hopefully be going to EPCOT before the holiday season is over to check out all that fun stuff. The park was horribly packed that day so it was kind of a bummer in that respect but still a good time as always. I had yummy meatloaf and mashed potatoes from 50's Prime Time cafe which is such a step back into eating meals from Mom.

This past week I put in over 60 hours, which is great for the paycheck, but still very mentally and physically tiring. I finally got a new pair of glasses after 2 years of the same pair. They have not come in yet but I am hoping they look good on me, because my pupils were heavily dialated when I picked them out. I am trying out a new brand of contacts that have a gel built in them to retain moisture longer. So far so good. I have a regular Doctor appointment coming up in a week or so, that I am looking forward to as there are things I want to discuss with them. I also need to work on getting Florida license plates by the end of the year so as to avoid having to pay the excise tax in Mass. So as always all this financial stress that never seems to leave my life.

I am going to try and get the key to the fitness center this week or next. I want to start adjusting my sleeping habits once that begins so that I can get up earlier and feel a little more accomplished about my day rather than jsut sleeping and going to work day in and out. I know that excercising will bring me postivie self esteem, more energy, and obvious physical effects. I am thikning of goign 3 times a week, and on off days, just taking a walk around the complex every morning. I think it will be a good way to start the day and de-stress about many things. Plus I can finally use my ipod which basically just collects dust as of now.

I took the first of my front of the house training classes at Disney University. It was basically going over Disney's standards for table service. I have another class in two weeks about communication. I need to start tackling some of the online classes as well. I am still praying, fingers crossed, that there will be a casting call in January so I can at least get my name in the pool and hopefully out of the Galley Kitchen soon. It has really gotten worse in terms of the general attitude of my fellow employees. Even though I may not be where I want to be or in the position I want to be in at Disney but I still care about my job and give my all everyday, and it is annoying that others do not do the same. Last week I experienced my worse day in a kitchen in all 8 years I have been in foodservice. And yet no one seemed to care how bad the night was, not even the chef on duty! We were running hour and a half ticket times, which for those of you who are in foodservice know that is just insane! I literaally thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was the expeditier and there was nothign I could do at one point but just tackle through all the tickets and call one at a time.

I am tired and heading to bed now. Until next time...keep your pants on! :-P